Dear Weary Mom,

Dear Weary Mom,

I know you are weary. Tired. Overwhelmed. Burnt Out.

I know, because I am you. I am a weary mom too.

Most days I feel like I have reached my limit. I cannot do anything else. I cannot continue.

Yet, I do. I get through. Praise the Lord!

This calling that we have, mothering, is a difficult task. It is the hardest job I've ever had. Training these little children. Teaching them what is right. Giving them almost all I have to give each day.

These days...they are long. They drag on. My energy fades quickly as soon as my feet hit the floor in the morning.

It is tempting to think that we are alone in these struggles. That we are the only mom weary to the bone and running on empty.

Here is the truth, though. The beautiful truth.

You are not alone.

You are stronger than you think you are.

You will get through.

What you do it amazing.

You matter.

What we do every day, in the midst of our exhaustion, is spectacular. God sees us.

He sees us when we are wiping running noses. He sees us when we serve lunch and clean the table. He sees us as we are on the floor, reading books, playing dolls, building towers. He sees all we do, even when we think no one else does.

Not only does God see us. He gives us strength to continue. Our strength may be ever fading, but He, through His grace and power, gives us more strength to continue on, He gives us physical help (at times) to ease our burden, He gives us rest to keep going tomorrow.

We need to stop pretending that we've got it all together. No one has it all together. The beauty is we don't have to have it all together, because Jesus holds us together. 

Today I am adding this letter to the first Dear Weary Mom link-up over at the Hope for the Weary Mom blog! Find more letters here.
 
 
 
 
    

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May 9th {status update}

Life has been crazy busy, hectic, jumbled, loud, and much more. This blog has sat empty quite regularly, no new content. I don't want you to think I've abandoned my post. I just can't articulate all that is going on, mostly because I am still trying to work out what my daily life right now means and how to keep going most days.

I am still here. Our kids are still with us. We are still moving forward towards adoption. Daily life is just hard and messy right now.

Here's a status update, I'm currently:

reading...Glimpses of Grace. Although I would describe it more as devouring. I can hardly put this book down. It is so good. Amazing. I've got so much underlined. "This book is about how we experience the grace of the gospel as we go about our daily lives in the home. It's not about how to transcend into "a happy place" above the reality of life in the home." Loving it!!!

listening to...All Sons & Daughters. Constantly. All the Poor and Powerless. Brokenness Aside. "I am a sinner. If it's not one thing it's another. Caught up in words tangled in lies. But You are a Savior and You take brokenness aside, and make it beautiful, beautiful."

enjoying...the weather, today's high is 79. I love having windows open, wind blowing in my face, listening to the hum of traffic. It is glorious. I love spring. We spent a little bit in the back yard before lunch and it was wonderful.

watching...these children grow right before my eyes. Life is moving at fast forward speed and I cannot make it slow down. I look at these children and they are so grown. Every day I watch as they get bigger, learn new things, say something they haven't said before. It is marvelous to watch, yet a little sorrowful none the less, why does it all have to happen so fast?

cooking...Baked Spaghetti was for dinner last night and it was delicious. I had seconds. Then I had a couple more bites before bed. It brought back many memories from our first few days with our children. Jessica brought us this dish the day after we got the kids. I still cannot believe we have had them a whole year! Tonight's dinner is Chicken Pot Pie Soup. This is a family favorite and one of the first meals Little Man ate with us.

planning...what I want to do tonight. Thursdays are "Mom's Night Out." Michael and I each have a weekly night when we are expected to get out and refuel after the babies are put to bed (around 7:00). We finally are putting these nights on the calendar again since we are settled at the new house. Really, we both needed it desperately. I think I may just plant myself in a corner booth at Panera and read more of Glimpses of Grace with a pastry (maybe a Strawberries and Cream scone) and sweet tea...

working on...organizing my spices. Here is my inspiration. I am excited! I am also chalk boarding the lids (so simple to do!!!). I am planning to have these on my fridge, in arms reach of my oven. I cannot wait! Hoping to find my magnets (I bought them before we moved and haven't been able to find them) tomorrow and then finishing the project!

excited for...summer. I am very hopeful for the summer. I just cannot wait. We are all ready for school to be done for the year. We are ready to move on. Less than a month to go! {not that I am counting...}

feeling...mostly overwhelmed, defeated, burnt out. The past couple of months have felt like a race without any kind of break, one thing after another...

remembering...to seek out rest. To give myself grace. To find time to refuel. That there is a season for everything. That seasons do not last forever. That God is good. All the time. Even on the bad days. He has a plan.

Note: This post was inspired by Hayley at The Tiny Twig. I love i'm currently posts. I took a few of her prompts and added some that I wanted to share too!

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Thoughts on My Momiversary {The Day I Became A Mom to Four Children, one year later}

There isn't a child's Birthday that coincides with the day I became a mother. Therefore, I get to celebrate it all on it's own!  

Today is my "momiversary" in all it's glorious beauty. Today I celebrate the day these children made me a mother. 

The day my life changed forever. The day I got the phone call about these kids and 90 minutes later laid eyes on their beautiful faces.

This past year has been one of the most difficult yet beautiful experiences, it has been filled with many highs and many lows, it was everything I thought and also everything I never knew motherhood would be.

It is quite odd to sit here and reflect on my first year of motherhood. I am living my dream every day, and given our difficult path to parenthood I try to live every day grateful for having been given the chance to love these children and call myself their mother.

Mother.

What is a mother?

The Dictionary defines this word as "a term of address for a female parent or a woman having or regarded as having the status, function, or authority of a female parent" or "to perform the tasks or duties of a female parent; act maternally" is another definition.

Tenneva Jordan talks about a mother in this way (source), "A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie."

Reflecting on my first year as a mother makes me pause and reflect on the question...

What truly makes one a mother?

On Monday night Little Man was coughing. I was worried he wasn't getting restful sleep, and Michael kept elbowing me to be sure I was hearing. I was waiting just a minute to see if Little Man would go back to sleep, but the cries continued.  I, with eyes nearly shut and half asleep, slowly walked from my room to the boy's room and gently lifted him out of his crib.

I snuggled him tight and applied some BabyRub on his chest and back to help soothe his cough so he can be rested for the next day. Instead of ushering him back to his crib, I rocked him gently to sleep. Then I rocked him a little bit more, holding him close, breathing him in, and savoring the moment with this growing-too-quickly Little Man.

These were the acts of a mother.

The gentle care that I give to these children is done in great love for them, maternal love, love that flows directly from my heart and is demonstrated to them in all I do. 

It doesn't matter to me that my "mother-ness" is currently defined with the word foster for now. I love them, each and every one. I am their mother, today, and every day for the last year, and many more I pray.

No amount of biological relation or legal papers will change the fact that I love and already consider myself a mother to the four children in my home today.

Let me be clear. 

I am not a glorified baby sitter paid by the state. Yes, some foster parents view themselves that way. Yet, we have never viewed our ministry as foster parents that way. Our goal from the beginning was to expand our permanent family and love all the kids in our care with all that we have.

Isn't that what "real" parenthood is all about? No matter the time we are blessed with. Whether children are biological, adopted, or fostered, we are not guaranteed tomorrow. We are to cherish each day as a gift from the Giver of all life.

I am a mother. Today

So, how do I measure my first year of motherhood?

By the rapid process of tearing pages off of my calendar?

Birthdays come and gone?

Sure, of course, those all measure time for me. However, how I measure my first year of motherhood is a little different. It kind of reminds me of Rent. I measure it in love and memories...

Wide smiles, and deep belly laughs

Tucked in children at the end of each day

Books read aloud with faces covered in excitement

Big bear hugs and kisses on boo boos

Dishes washed and washed and washed again

Houses outgrown and kids getting taller

Tears over children declaring me as their "mother"

God knows exactly what He is doing.  Always.

The fact that we are celebrating our one year anniversary since the kids came to live with us the same week of National Infertility Awareness Week is no coincidence.

It gives this further opportunity to share how God made this once barren home and heart full of joy and laughter and life through these four children making me a mother. 

God knew what He was doing all along. This was all part of His glorious plan. Yes, His plan led me first through the trials of infertility and failed adoptions. Yet, now I celebrate the days when I get to call myself a mother to these four children. 

I surely am blessed beyond measure. Overflowing.
 
Happy Momiversary to Me! And many more!

Q4U: What was your first year of motherhood like?

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Today's the Big Day!

Boxes are packed. U-Haul is rented. New house keys are in our hands. Moving-out-of house is sort of clean.

It's the day of our big move.

It's also Little Man's 1st Birthday! He is one year old!

I can hardly even think about him turning one without tears overwhelming my eyes. How blessed I am!

I never anticipated being a mother to a baby, yet even more unimaginable it has been to mother an infant. It has been a crazy nearly year since these children have joined our family and since I became a mom to this little man and my three other children.

They've made me a mom.

This time together has literally gone by in such a blur. Hours quickly turn to days to weeks to months and then it's a new year and Birthdays have come and gone. 

Changes happen constantly and I find myself begging for more time, or at least time to slow down so I can catch my breathe and cuddle this Little Man to sleep for a little longer each night before bed. I know one day, likely very soon, he will be too big for me to cuddle and watch fall asleep in the comfort of my arms as I rock him back and forth.

I want to breathe him in, and I want to keep them all close by and love them with all I have in me every single day.

I want to take every opportunity with these amazing children and ingrain the memories into my brain and make them last forever.

I don't want it to go by so quickly that I forget the amazing blessing of the every day with these four gifts that I am blessed to call my kids.

As we open the doors to our new house, we walk through the threshold to the next season of our journey. I pray that this day marks the beginning of finalizing the children's place in our home, hearts, and family.

Nothing official happens today, in terms of adoption. However, I just see this day as the doorway to the rest of our life with these children. At least I pray...

one day very soon we will move forward towards adoption.

each child will find security and stability and acceptance in this family and our new home.

we take hold of every opportunity to create long lasting memories that are filled with great joy.

the Lord would use these children in big ways for His Kingdom.

our path would continue to be made clear to us by the Father.

Today we move forward. It is very exciting!!!

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Snapshots of Life {march}

I got a new camera earlier this year and I am trying to do better about documenting our life through photos. Each month I share pictures of our life, every day, unedited, mess included! This month we celebrate Little Lady's 2nd Birthday!

Again, the big kids are in school so I don't get to snap as many pictures of them...I cannot wait until summer!!!

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10pm Confessions from My Day

I didn't change out of my pajamas until 4:30.

I had a headache for over 8 hours.

Most of my day was spent soothing a fussy baby or in war with a testing-her-boundaries-and-independence toddler.

My house is still mostly unpacked even though we are moving in about a week and going on vacation some during that time as well.

I have dishes covering most of my kitchen counters.

There is some kind of weird smell coming from somewhere in my house.

I'm not sure the last time I was able to shower.

I wish I could say that days like this aren't normal, but in fact these are some of my most "normal" days as of late.

Life has been chaotic, whether it's because of the move or vacation or behavior problems or the constant state of limbo we live in or just the busyness of being a {foster} parent to four children.

Most days I feel like it's all so hard to manage. I keep thinking things will get better after the holidays or life will settle after we move.

Isn't it funny that the hardest person to extend grace to is yourself?

I can give my husband grace when he has to work a lot and then comes home, eats, and is exhausted and goes to bed early.

I can give my kids grace for behavior problems because they have been through so much in their lives and they still do not have any certainty that they will get to stay here forever.

Yet, when I am struggling to do all that I must accomplish each day, I withhold what I really need, which is grace to do what I can and not lose sleep over what remains unchecked.

I don't think that this is something I will learn and then never struggle with again. 

I think this is just something I will have to work on each day as I strive to do my best for myself and my family.

I must remind myself daily that my plans are not always the Lord's plan for my day.

I must let go of daily failures to meet my own expectations I have for myself.

I must be more transparent with those close to me so that I don't continue to unintentionally back myself into a box of isolation, loneliness, and extreme overwhelming feelings.

I must commit my path to the Lord all day long through a constant stream of prayer and worship (with the help of prayer cue cards placed strategically around my house, which I need to do once we get moved, and my Sovereign Grace Pandora station).

I must change my standards for myself and my home to be more realistic now that I am a mother to four children.

I must do more things like visit the paint-your-own-pottery studio and reading at a coffee shop to refresh and take care of myself and also prevent burnout.

I must create the habit of identifying my own needs (such as showering, drinking water, and eating at meal times) throughout the day as well as finding the time to meet those needs.

I must get dressed in the morning so that my mind and body are ready for the day.

I hope that I can work on these things so that maybe days like today will be less normal and life will also be less chaotic.

Question for You: What do you do to prevent these kind of days? What are things that you must do?

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My Weekly Goals {March 25th}

You can read more about why I am sharing my weekly goals on my first weekly goals post here.

I am very much busy but yet looking forward to so much on the horizon! We just have so much going on as a family and it is all so exciting!!! Changes? Why, yes. Good changes? ABSOLUTELY!

This post will serve as my goals for the next two weeks. You see, in the next two weeks we will be going on a family vacation and moving to a new house. Yes, we will be doing both of those things in the next two weeks...crazy!

This blog will be much quieter than normal for the next two weeks. I am going to take the busyness and spring break as a sign to be doing what needs done and enjoying my family each moment I can!

Here's how I did on last week's goals:
1. Catch up completely on all foster parenting paperwork. (Did not get completely caught up, but made much progress!)
2. Pack in kitchen. (Did not do, but will be forced to do this week!)
3. Deep clean first floor at new house. (Got a lot done, really all done except the kitchen.)
4. Measure at new house for baby gates and curtain rods.
5. Pack wall decor at current house.

Here are my goals for the next two weeks:
1. Finish packing at current house.
2. Enjoy Spring Break and a nice vacation with the whole family!
3. Deep clean new house.
4. Move to the new house.
5. Unpack first floor at new house.



YOUR TURN: Is Spring Break soon for you? What do you have planned?

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