Loosening My Grip {and letting go}

Friday, September 11, 2015

It's been a while. Again. My hands will have to get used to this feeling, tapping the keys to share my heart. It feels so foreign. But I've got something important to share, so I'm going to work through the awkwardness of not having done this in a while.

Yes. It's been a while. I'm sorry. But not sorry.

Life is going by so fast. I'm doing my best to embrace and enjoy each moment, each smile, each day. We only get to live through today once. Then it's over. I want to make the most of it.

This summer has been a season of stretching into my skin a little better while God makes some adjustments. It's been a season of losing things. It's been a hard season. But yet, I sense growth through it. Isn't growth so often painful?

Through this difficult season, God has been doing some refining in my heart and now I feel the sense to make some changes in my life. Changes that will free me from some guilt (self-induced mostly) and free me to fully live more in the way I feel God is calling me.

A photo posted by Ashley Wells (@ashleytalksalot) on

I feel like I'm having a hard time explaining. Let me try again.

Many, many years ago, before the kids came to us, I had a friend who was also going through the adoption process. It had been a while for them too. I asked her once how she gets through the hard days of waiting and yearning but not seeing her desires come to fruition. She said that she could easily tighten her grip on this desire to adopt and have kids, demanding that God give it to her, holding on to it so tightly and not letting go.


She could loosen her grip, even open her palm flat, and allow God to move and work in the way He sees fit for her ultimate good. Not demanding God to give her kids, not gripping the desire so tightly that God can't work in the midst. But instead, be open to whatever God has planned.

For far too long I've been holding tightly to certain things in my life, even when I was sensing that God was asking me to let go. This blog, this space, my writing...I've been holding them so tightly and refusing to let go, even though I kept feeling like God was asking me to lay it aside deep down in my heart.

It's time to loosen my grip, open my palm, and let go.

I haven't been writing as openly or as frequently. That's really why. I've been battling between my desire to hold on and God's asking me to let go.

I've realized lately why it has been so hard to accept quitting this blog. I didn't realize how wrapped up I had made my identity with my writing and this platform. I didn't know how tightly I had been holding onto this space.

In the beginning, this blog was vital to my sanity and well-being. It gave me a connection outside of my home when I was feeling lost in my new role as homemaker.

That has been seven years ago now. Life has changed so much. This blog has even evolved through those years. But, now it is time to shut the door on this chapter of my life.

God is asking me to lay this blog aside (along with some things in my personal life). He has other places He wants me to devote my very limited time and energy, outside of my home and family.

It's not that I'm leaving the internet. Because I'm on Instagram and Facebook, and I'm even starting to dip my toes into Periscope occasionally (and weekly for foster and adoptive mamas). I still run Together in the Trenches for foster and adoptive moms, and we have even started planning our second retreat!

A photo posted by Ashley Wells (@ashleytalksalot) on

It's just that God is asking me to lay some things aside to pursue other things. I only have so much time and I can't do it all. I have to find the best things that God wants me to pursue right now, right where I am.

I feel such a clear sense that God wants me to focus on real life. Encouraging others in-the-flesh, face to face, and also planning more events that bring women together and build community.

A photo posted by Ashley Wells (@ashleytalksalot) on

It's been a great ride. I have loved sharing my heart with you all through the years. Thank you for coming along on the journey with me!!!

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  1. Bravo Ashley! It takes a great amount of courage to open our hands and let go of what we have been holding on to with a vice grip, afraid, for whatever reason, of letting go. When we do let go, though, we are acknowledging that, while we can not see the hands of the One who hold us as we open ours, we know those hands are there. He is holding on to you, and He will not let you go.

    I want to encourage you, though, to not completely stop writing, even if only in your personal journal. God gave you a tremendous gift with words, not just spoken, and I have a hard time thinking that He will not ask you to use that gift, again, some time in the future.

    If there is ever anything I can do to encourage you in this new season, please let me know.

    All my love,

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